Splitting the Furniture

Living Room
Couch -- J
Table -- J
TV -- J
Stereo --J
Dining Room
Table -- J
Sideboard -- J
Small table –A
Stools -- J
Kitchen
table --A
stools – J (?)
dishes/pots/pans – A & J
Utility
Washer --A
Dryer –A
Office
desk and chair –J
small file – J
other small file – A
couch -- A
Master Bedroom
Bed --J
Nightstand 1 -- J
Nightstand 2 -- A
TV and cabinet --A
Dresser (large) --A
Dresser (small) -- J
Other cabinet -- J
Second bedroom
Queen Bed --A
Piano -- J
Bookshelf -- A
Dresser -- A
Third Bedroom
All goes to A

Out Until 4:15 am

So last night my husband rolled in at 4:15 am. He's never stayed out that late and honestly, I think it's a bit bizarre for a man of his near-retirement age. I barely slept last night, wondering if and when he'd come home.

Yes, we are in separate bedrooms and yes, we've agreed to separate, but I wonder how he would react to me staying out that late. I'll bet his classic double standards would kick in and I'd be verbally and emotionally abused (and perhaps even physically abused) if I did.

I'm attempting to take the high road and use last night's outing to help ease my transition out of my hellish, married life and into the freedom of being single.

Is he staying out all night?

It's 1:11 am and my husband isn't home. He's never stayed out this late, or rarely. It is beginning to confirm my suspicions he has another woman/girl he's seeing. He does have a history of cheating, even with me, and this would explain his recent actions toward me.

I guess I'd be lying if I said it didn't bother me. The only purpose this serves is to make it easier to move on and separate. What a dishonest, slimy asshole.

I've been temped to break into his emails since his February 11th outburst, but have held back. While a part of me, the desperately driven part of me, wants to know for sure about his infidelity, the other, more rational and centered part of me, says it's not worth the energy. My intuition and experience already tell me what's up, verified by him not being home tonight.

I pray for God to bring loving and kind people into my life.

Core Values and Incompatibility

I realized this morning when I woke up why my abuser husband and I are incompatible. His core relationship values are driven by power and control, which he obtains through fear and intimidation. My core relationship values are driven by equity and partnership, which I obtain through discussion and compromise.

So, we are both unhappy in this relationship. He wants all the power and takes advantage of my willingness to compromise. I want to talk and come to equitable terms but can only do so on HIS whims, and even then it’s not equitable.

My eyes are opening…

My First Step Toward Separation

Today I did something so incredibly difficult; I took my first step toward separation from my husband, who has become so emotionally abusive lately, I can hardly stand it. My step: I transferred mine and my son's cell phone numbers out of his account and into my own.

I feel both scared and a burden gently lifting, a glimmer of freedom, after doing this. My fear is this move may prompt further and more intense abuse as he sees me not caving into his emotional blackmail tactics. My freedom, and it's very slight, is that I don't have the stress of worrying if he'll disconnect or take away my precious communication device. Right now I need my phone more than anything, and I am happy to know he no longer has control over it.

The other issue is realty: this is REALLY happening. We are splitting up.

Big scary step for me. Whew.

Why is it so hard to leave an abuser?

I'm having such a difficult time letting go of my abuser husband. He's a complete jerk, hasn't spoken to me in two weeks, and is the most difficult, mean person I've ever lived with. Yet leaving and ending our marriage is incredibly sad to me. I should be happy and celebrating I'll be free from his abuse, but I'm not.

He obviously has no respect for me, but somehow, in some stupid way, I keep hoping he'll call and say he's sorry for hurting me (never has once in our nine years together, so not sure why he would now), and that he wants to make things right and will do whatever it takes.

Wow. I am dreaming.

"I didn't know I had to set an appointment."

Last night was very depressing for me. I came home after work and laid on my bed all night, felling very depressed. I left my bedroom door open in hopes my soon-to-be x-husband would come talk to me; maybe invite me out to dinner to talk about things. Instead, he came home, rummaged through the kitchen cupboards, then left, obviously to have dinner on his own.  I was so disappointed (and stupid for even thinking he'd want to talk).

This morning I walked in the master bedroom to get something, and Mr. Asshole (abuser, husband, jerk, etc) was awake. I stopped at the foot of the bed and said, "Are you ever going to talk to me?" He rolled his eyes and cruelly replied, "I didn't know I needed to set an appointment."

I was taken aback by his cold, cruel reply, firing it off after just waking up. I didn't know what to say so I left the room. Crying, I angrily stepped back in and told him he's destroying me and he's very successful at it. I so regret going back in and doing that. Next time, if there ever is a next time, I need to keep my emotions and anger under wrap.

I got in my car and took my son to school. I was soooooooo angry at this jerk's meanness; he has no end to it. He hasn't spoken to me in thirteen days, after raging at me, and he continues to treat me like shit. He's an asshole with MAJOR psychological problems. I'm so done with him and his abuse.

Right now, I hate him.